First there was a shout, then a fella in a red jacket was running up Abbey street and another fella in a grey tracksuit, Rocky Balboa look, was running after him. He caught up him at the lights, put him up against the stone fall and hit him a right hook in the jaw. There was a crack like an egg breaking and then he gave him a left in the ribs and another haymaker across the head. Tanya got involved now, long black straight har, big round earrings, sincere Dublin accent. “Stop will yiz. Leave it.”

            The grapple made its way across the street, through indifferent traffic, and up against a frustrated bus. The lad in the red jacket was called Tom. He took a few more skelps before Rocky realised his phone was in his other pocket all along and Tom hadn’t actually stolen it.

            The rest of us watched from the queue at the Luas stop. The tram was late and there was about sixty-five million people waiting for it. There was a growing sense of urgency, like everyone had diarrhoea and the Luas was one big toilet. Tanya and Tom were back now. Tanya asking if Tom was ok, and was he hurt. Tom saying no, he was fine, and he wouldn’t never steal a phone, even though he’s homeless, he’s honest, and it’s not fair to be picked on like that. Behind us, Rocky was in the Spar shop roaring at the cashier about getting short-changed, threatening to burn the place and generally kill everyone, and then there was polite bells as our public transport gently arrived.

            It was a tight squeeze, but it was this or miss the train at Heuston. The door closed and I was in beside Tom, Tanya, and their new friend Melanie. Melanie had a pink tracksuit and a tight ponytail and white runners. She gave advice to Tom about where to find a new house, and there’s a new place up in Finglas with one-bed apartments and everyone’s getting them. Tom said he wasn’t sure if he’d like to live in Finglas but thanks anyway. Tanya says they’d be no good to her because she has two kids, and she’s on her own, and she couldn’t afford the rent anymore so now they’re “…back in me Ma’s…”

            Then Tom got off and a Muslim girl got on. Melanie and Tanya were still blathering when the Muslim girl asked the fella in front of her to please don’t stand so close. He was a soft-spoken type with glasses and skinny jeans. Like an underpaid graphic designer that went cracked when they don’t have oat milk in the coffeeshop. Maybe a name like Fergus. He turned around to the Muslim girl and said it was her own fuckin fault for standing there and he wouldn’t move. She asked him what his problem was and he told her it was his Luas too and to shut up if she wasn’t happy. She said she was ok, just he was crowding her and it made her uncomfortable. Melanie tuned in here, said to Muslim girl, let’s call her Zaina, hey you, don’t fuckin touch that man or I’ll put your teeth back in your throat.

            Zaina said, excuse me, this has nothing to do with you.

            Tanya was in now with, are you trying to rob him or somethin?

            Zaina said, mind your own business.

            Melanie asked her who he thought she was.

            Fergus warned Zaina not to touch him one more time, and then he backed into her as hard as he could so she fell back through the crowd and nearly bust her head on the floor.

            Then for a while everyone was shouting, kicking, screaming and scrapping. It was like in the cartoons when all the dogs start fighting and there’s a big dusty cloud then everyone emerges with cuts and bruises. Melanie and Tanya were doing their best with kicks and grabs, and abuse. Someone else picked up Zaina and tried to shield her from the mob. Then a big black fella caught hold of Fergus and told him to stand over here, and Tanya and Melanie to stand over there, and Zaina to stay where she was. And then the next stop came and Zaina got off. And Melanie said she’d love to go after her and kick her head in. And Fergus said be careful, you wouldn’t know what phone call she’d make and have a gang waiting for you at the next stop. And Tanya said it had been a long day and she was looking forward to relaxing for the evening and then it was time to get off at Heuston.