Quadplay in Australia – #32

Meanwhile in Australia, Joe said: ‘I’ve no sales for you, Micky.’

‘No sales?’

‘No sales.’

‘Why no sales, what happened?’

‘I had one but I lost it.’

‘Lost it?’

‘Lost it?’

‘Gone. G’luck. Lost. She was definite too.’

‘Not that definite.’

‘Wasn’t her fault.’

‘Was it yours?’

‘No.’

‘Who then?’

‘It’s a quare story.’

‘Sure tell me anyways.’

‘Do you want to hear it?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Right. Hang on til I light a smoke.’ He lit a smoke, continued with: ‘So your wan rang me at one o’clock and said to call over at three. She wanted the foreplay.’

‘The what?’

‘The foreplay – all four products: Telly, Broadband, Phoneline and Mobile.’

‘You mean the quadplay?’

‘That shite. Whatever. Yeah. So I said this is great, four sales, one customer, I’ll be having a pint at four o’clock with my days work done.’

‘We’re supposed to work til eight but sure go on anyways.’

‘So I was in Subway, having a footlong, getting ready to go over and next the phone rang: Don’t come over, she said.’

‘Why not?’

‘That’s what I asked her.’

‘And what did she say?’

‘She said there was an accident.’

‘What kind of accident?’

‘She said her brother had come in for a cup of tea and decided he was hungry.’

‘Ok.’

‘Ok, so he said he’d cook an egg for himself.’

‘An egg?’

‘Yeah, he wanted to boil it. So off he went and he got himself a pot of water. And he got himself an egg out of the fridge and he put the egg into the pot and he was going putting it into the microwave.’

‘Oh fuck.’

‘Don’t do that says your wan, you’re not supposed to put pots into the microwave.’

‘So what did he do?’

‘Right so, he says, I’ll use a cup. So off he went and got himself a cup, and he filled it with the water, and he put the egg into it and he put it all in the microwave.’

‘And what happened?’

‘Nothin.’

‘Nothin?’

‘Nothin at first. He put it on full whack, wanted to make sure the fuckin thing was boiled.’

‘Would he not cook it on a ring like a normal person?’

‘I don’t think this fella is that normal. So ding! Went the microwave, and out he took the egg and the boiling water and all was going well. And he looked into the cup and next thing: BANG! The egg exploded into his face and scalded his two eyes and now he’s in casualty.’

‘And she had to bring him down?’

‘Well he couldn’t drive himself.’

‘And what’s the story now?’

‘No fuckin sale anyway.’

‘Is he alright?’

‘I doubt it.’

‘Did she say to call back?’

‘I asked her but she was crying and I’m not sure what she said.’

‘So what’s the plan now?’

‘I’m goin wait outside the house her til I catch her at home.’

‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’

‘What? Sure she has to come home eventually. I can’t be letting a foreplay go to waste cos some fella blew the face of himself.’

**

Novel – El Niño (in Paperback).

El Niño is the exciting debut novel from Mayo man, Mick Donnellan. Slick, stylish and always entertaining, the story is a rollercoaster of drama and tension that hasn’t been seen in Irish fiction for a very long time. Charlie is our protagonist, the pick pocket that steals El Nino’s wallet and then falls in love with her. She’s the wild femme fatale, beautiful; enigmatic and seductive. She rocks Charlie’s world with her smoky wiles and drinking ways and her tough girl ideals. This is Noir at its best. Dark and edgy with crisp fresh dialogue and a plot that engages the reader from the first line and keeps them up all night – right through to it’s powerful finish.

€10.00

Fisherman’s Blues (Paperback)

Fisherman’s Blues is the hilarious new novel from Mick Donnellan.Dark and audacious, written in a distinct West of Ireland vernacular, it covers a myriad of genres from Crime Noir to comedy and an odd bit of religion. Fresh in its language, vivid in its descriptions, the book sings with the signature style of all Donnellan’s previous work, and a bit more. Delving into the lives of drinkers, lovers, thieves and scam artists, the story weaves a web of intrigue and curiosity that ends with an unforgettable bang. Not without its poignant moments, the plot hinges on the chaotic consequences of three unlikely comrade’s attempts to save their lost relationships, while unintentionally ruining the plans of a rising criminal’s efforts to take over the city. The question is: Can they succeed? And if they don’t, what then? And where have the women really gone?

€9.99

Casting Blues – Sunday Morning Coming Down.

Check out my latest post on Patreon about Casting, choosing the right actor, and red flags during the audition process.

Click here. Casting: Sunday Morning Coming Down on Patreon.

Don’t forget to check out the reward tiers for becoming a Patron. You can unlock all creative posts and blogs for less than a cup of coffee per month. You’ll also get advance copies of upcoming novels, special shout outs and a choice between my existing books, signed and delivered to your door.

Cheers,

Mick.

 

New Patreon Account.

Hello,
I’ve started a Patreon account. It’s a subscription based website for Artists that allows followers to contribute to an artist’s work in return for rewards such as advance copies of novels, comped tickets for Plays/Films or access to expertise they may be interested in.
I’ll be sharing my teaching methods and notes and keeping all fans and followers informed of upcoming events.
Probably the most interesting thing for aspiring writers is that I’ll be using it as critiquing and feedback service. For anyone that wants to get in touch for advice, editing or direction in publishing.  I’ll be able to commit some time and help in any way I can.
You’ll have full access to all my notes and teaching methods as well as podcasts, videos and new work I’ll soon be bringing to fruition.

As always, there’s no expectation or obligation. I’m always open to help and give feedback when I can anyway but lately it’s been hard to find the time and this might be a valuable resource to begin with. It’s also a good way to build a community and stay in touch.

Even if you’re not an artist or writer, it’s an indirect way to support my work and enjoy the rewards as they come as well as helping to make new work happen.

It works on a tier system of monthly subscriptions and the lowest one is $1.50 (about €1.30) per month and can be cancelled any time. Similar to Netflix or Spotify. Again, no expectation.

Click on the link below if you’re curious or interested. Or maybe just to share it.
Cheers,
Mick.

**Sold Out**Mick Donnellan’s New Writing Course opens January 28th…

Mick Donnellan’s New Creative Writing Course

@

AIT Athlone

January 28th + Wednesday 30th

7.30 -9.30pm.

Duration 10 weeks. 

Cost: €160

**Guaranteed publication at the end of the year.**

Contact: 

Mobile: (087) 9422942. 

E-Mail: mickdonnellan@hotmail.com

**Limited Places Left. Early Booking Strongly Advised.**

About Mick Donnellan:

Mick Donnellan has been running the highly successful Creative Writing Programme at AIT since September 2017. Many of his previous students have had their writing published locally and nationally and some have gone on to be accepted into prestigious university writing programmes such as the Masters in Trinity College, Dublin and NUI Galway. Three previous students have had novels published since taking up the course. 

More on Mick Donnellan http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mick_Donnellan

About the Course:

* Attend one night only. This will be the same course running on two different nights to accommodate demand. Students can sign up for the Monday or Wednesday – but not both.

Mick Donnellan’s new Creative Writing Course opens this January 28th and 30th at AIT – Athlone. Building on the creative momentum gathered in recent classes, the course will concentrate on Fiction, Poetry, Non-Fiction and Publishing. Each student will get a chance to work on a creative project of their choice and use the class as a safe environment to get feedback, ask questions, and learn new techniques and approaches to their craft. 

The Fiction Module will explore the art of the Short Story, different genres of the modern novel as well as how to plot and develop your story or book. This will be an incisive and educational exploration of the writing process and will enlighten students in ways that help them make substantial leaps forward in their creative careers. 

The Poetry Module will examine Poets past and present as well as dive into the poetic mind and process. We will pull back the veil on conventional poetry and examine the difference between sincere verse and commercial rhyme. Aspiring poets will share work and get constructive feedback on their voice, themes and style. 

Non-Fiction will cover a myriad of writing styles such as Biography, Memoir, Journalism, Review, Writing Features and Online Media. Students often find this aspect of the course the most educational and discover talents they never knew they had. For instance, Fiction writers often find they are better at Memoir and poets find passion for Blogging or Journalism.  Some Short Story writers have found they prefer writing Biography. This module will help students realise their full potential and ensure they are not locked  into one specific style or type of writing. 

Publishing: The course will end with a publication based on work covered during the class. This means each student can choose a project/piece of writing of their choice and submit it for publication. We will then go through the entire publishing process from editing, to format, designing the cover, marketing and getting the collection published.  This will be an insightful and exciting process for everyone involved. Not only will each student come away with a keen knowledge of the Publishing Industry but he/she will also be guaranteed to see their work in print. Once the collection is complete, we will be having a launch at the AIT and all contributors family, friends and colleagues will be welcome to come and celebrate the achievement. 

Course Intended for:

This course is ideal for writers at all levels of their career. It suits beginners and those who need a channel to express themselves creatively. No experience is required as the course will cover the basics of writing and gradually move through the different stages towards publishing success. It will be an enjoyable, stress free course with opportunity to be published at the end. It will also help those writers working in isolation and looking for a constructive environment to share and develop their work. 

*The course will differ in content from previous courses so don’t worry if you have taken Mick’s course before.* 

More about Mick:

Mick completed the MA in Writing at NUIG in 2004. Since then he has worked as a novelist, journalist, travel writer, teacher and Playwright. He completed his first novel, El Niño, in 2005 and immediately secured a literary agent. He left Ireland soon after and went on to live in Spain, Australia and Canada. While traveling he worked as a travel writer and Journalist and co-founded the Arts Paper – Urban Pie – in Vancouver. Upon returning to Ireland he went on to work with Druid (2009) and RTE (2010).

More recently, he established his own theatre company, Truman Town Theatre. All Truman Town Plays are written, directed, and produced by Mick. The company exploded on to the theatrical circuit in 2011 with their hit Play – Sunday Morning Coming Down. Following a national tour, they went on to produce (and tour) two more hugely successful Plays Shortcut to Hallelujah and Gun Metal Grey. These dramas eventually became known as the “Ballinrobe Trilogy”. More recently, the company toured a fourth Play Velvet Revolution and in 2014, Radio Luxembourg, his fifth Play, was bought by a London Film Company (Dixon/Baxi/Evans) and has been adapted for the screen.

The title for the movie version is “Tiger Raid”. Starring Brian Gleeson, Damian Molony and Sofia Boutella, it had its world premiere at the Tribeca film festival (2016) and was also seen at Cannes and Edinburgh and the Irish Premiere was screened at the Galway Film Fleadh.

El Niño is now published and Mick is currently in negotiations to sell the screen rights. Between that, he teaches writing while promoting his second novel “Fisherman’s Blues” and keeping Truman Town on the go.

Most of 2018 has been working on the exciting screen adaptation of “Shortcut to Hallelujah” with Florence Films. Hot off the press, the screenplay is titled “Sam” and is based around the gypsy curse supposedly set on the Mayo Football team as they returned home as All Ireland Champions in 1951. “Sam” is set in the present day and deals with themes of Mayo life and the hope of bringing the Sam Maguire home. Drenched in Irish lyricism and modern day dark humour, the script has been been met with keen interest by film producers and actors throughout the industry.

More on Mick Donnellan http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mick_Donnellan

Don’t forget to share this post,

Best,

Mick.

**

El Nino Cover-1

Click here to buy El Niño Direct from Amazon

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Buy Fisherman’s Blues direct from Amazon now!

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Mick Donnellan to attend event for Mayo Writers on Dec 1st.

 

Mayo Arts Service, Mayo County Council
Write Now 2018 – a speed dating writing event for Mayo writers.

Write Now 2018 is an initiative of Mayo Art Service. This event affords Mayo Writers the opportunity of 20-minute speed dating type mentoring slots with a Poet, a Playwright, aScreenwriter, a Short story writer, a Novelist and a Publisher. Write Now 2018 takes place in Castlebar on Saturday 1st of December.

There are three elements to the event. The day starts off at 11.30 with the writers’ speed dating event, which is followed by a networking opportunity and the day concludes with an open mic.

This is an opportunity for established or budding Mayo writers to come along and gain the expertise of our mentor panel of writers. Each writer/mentor has various writing requirements for their session which are outlined in this document. Those wishing to attend the mentoring slots can avail of mentoring from two of the writers/mentors.

This is a free event, but booking is required to avail of the mentoring speed dating slots. Spaces will be allocated on a first come, first served basis, with limited availability so please book your slot as soon as possible

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• •

Saturday 1st of December, Castlebar. 20-mins Mentoring slots: 11.30 -3pm Networking Opportunity: 3-4pm Open Mic (for participants): 4 -6pm

The line-up of professional writers/mentors are;

  • Poet Geraldine Mitchell;
  • Playwright Mick Donnellan,
  • Screenwriter Pierce Ryan,
  • Short Story Writer Geraldine Mills,
  • Publisher Mariel Deegan (New Island Books)
  • Novelist Mia Gallagher.

Date: Venue: Time:

Saturday 1st December 2018
Lough Lannagh Holiday Village, Castlebar.
Mentoring Speed dating slots run for 20 mins segments from 11:30 – 3pm
Followed by a Networking opportunity over finger food 3-4pm
Followed by an Open Mic –4 -6pm
Those attending mentoring slots can book a 5 mins segment to read (limited availability). All welcome to attend Open mic but performance is reserved for those who availed of the mentoring slots and the Writing Mentors.

Booking Information:

Please contact the Arts Service to book places via:
Email mayoarts@mayococo.ie Tel: 094 90 64367/094 90 643

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Poet Geraldine Mitchell is a Mayo-based writer whose most recent collection of poetry, Mountains for Breakfast, was published by Arlen House in 2017. She is a Patrick Kavanagh Poetry Award winner and the recipient of Arts Council and Mayo Arts Office awards. Her previous collections are World Without Maps (2011) and Of Birds and Bones (2014).

Those wishing to avail of a 20 mins mentoring slot with Poet Geraldine Mitchell should contact Mayo Arts Service to book their place. You will need to submit three poems to Mayo Arts Service by Thursday 22nd of November and Geraldine will select one to work on during the mentoring session.

Playwright Mick Donnellan is from Ballinrobe. His Theatre Company is Truman Town Theatre. He has written and produced six Plays which sold out nationally and to great acclaim. His most recent Play Radio Luxembourg was bought by a London film company (Dixon/Baxi/Evans) and adapted for the screen.

Those wishing to avail of a 20 mins mentoring slot with Playwright Mick Donnellan should contact Mayo Arts Service to book their place. You will need to submit a max of 10 pages from your play. Playwrights should have a synopsis ready to discuss during the mentoring slot. Work to be submitted to Mayo Arts Service by Thursday 22nd of November.

Screenwriter Pierce Ryan has written two feature films and several award winning short films. His latest film is Black ’47, a revenge western set during the Irish famine. Pierce’s previous feature film was the romantic comedy, Standby, released in 2014. Amongst the awards won by the short films written by him are the 2010 IFTA and 2006 Celtic Film and Television awards for best short film.

Those wishing to avail of a 20 mins mentoring slot with Screenwriter Pierce Ryan should contact Mayo Arts Service to book their place. You will need to submit the first 30 pages of a feature screenplay. Work to be submitted to Mayo Arts Service by Thursday 22nd of November.

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Short Story Writer Geraldine Mills is an award-winning short story writer published nationally and internationally. She has published three short story collections. She has been the recipient of many awards and prizes to include: The Hennessy Sunday/Tribune Emerging Fiction Award and the overall New Irish Writers Award.

Those wishing to avail of a 20 mins mentoring slot with Short Story Writer Geraldine Mills should contact Mayo Arts Service to book their place. You will need to submit a short story you are working on to a maximum of 2000 words (not a synopsis). Work to be submitted to Mayo Arts Service by Thursday 22nd of November.

Publisher Mariel Deegan is General Manager of New Island Books. New Island commissions in the areas of both crime and literary fiction, and general interest non-fiction, particularly history, biography and memoir, and humour. They aim to give a platform to promising debut writers like June Caldwell and Oisín Fagan, as well as providing a stable home for established authors such as Dermot Bolger, Julie Parsons and Carlo Gébler.

Those wishing to avail of a 20 mins mentoring slot with Publisher Mariel Deegan should contact Mayo Arts Service to book their place. You will need to submit 15 pages of your work to Mayo Arts Service by Thursday 22nd of November.

Novelist Mia Gallagher is the critically acclaimed author of two novels: HellFire (Penguin Ireland, 2006), awarded the Irish Tatler Literature Award 2007, and Beautiful Pictures of the Lost Homeland(New Island, 2016), longlisted for the 2016 Republic of Consciousness Award. She is a contributing editor to the Stinging Fly and in 2018 was elected as a member of Aosdána.

Those wishing to avail of a 20 mins mentoring slot with Novelist Mia Gallagher should contact Mayo Arts Service to book their place. You will need to submit 15 pages of a novel in progress to Mayo Arts Service by Thursday 22nd of November.

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Logos.

****

Joe Ninety – Part three #31

 

The phone rang with: ‘Hey, Mick, you know that guy you hired….?’

‘No?’

‘The Joe guy….is his name Minty?’

‘Joe Ninety – but I’m not sure that’s his real name….’

‘Yeah, anyway. We checked up some of his references.’

‘Yeah?’

‘We really need to get better feedback before we hire people.’

‘We do.’

‘So can you be sure you’re sure before you recommend someone…?.’

‘I didn’t recommend him.’

‘It says here you did.’

‘That was a mistake….’

‘But he has the job now?’

‘He does.’

‘How?’

‘He got a call from the office.’

‘On your recommendation.’

‘No. See….’

‘Did you know there’s a court case coming up against him?’

‘No. He didn’t mention it.’

‘His old boss told me.’

‘What’s he up for?’

‘He tried to run over a customer.’

‘Sorry?’

‘He had an argument with a customer and afterwards he tried to run him over.’

‘That doesn’t sound good.’

‘It doesn’t.’

‘Why’d he try to run him over?’

‘The customer thought Joe had stolen his daughter’s iPad.’

‘Right…and did he?’

‘We don’t know. That’s why there’s a court case coming I guess…’

‘So we can fire him now?’

‘No.’

‘No?’

‘No. See he hasn’t done anything wrong.’

‘Did he not try to run someone over?’

‘He did.’

‘And that’s….ok?’

‘We have to be careful.’

‘Of….?’

‘Unfair Dismissal. He hasn’t done anything wrong with us, yet.’

‘But his references are bad.’

‘We usually check them prior to giving  someone the position but in this case he was given the job before we had the opportunity.’

‘So what’ll we do?’

‘We’ll need you to shadow him for the first while, make sure he’s being compliant.’

 

Later with Joe. He was dressed in black pants, dirty runners, black shirt, white tie. Three day stubble. He said: ‘Great day.’

‘Tis.’

‘Will you be helping me for the first while, Micky?’

‘I will. Did you try run someone over in your last job?’

‘Who told you that?’

‘One of your references.’

‘I didn’t try run him over, I just nearly hit him as I was leaving the house.’

‘Did he not see you coming?’

‘He did, but he wouldn’t get out of the way.’

‘He was trying to stop you leaving?’

‘I think so.’

‘Why?’

‘Dunno, Micky. I was busy. Had sales to do. Was in a hurry.’

‘Is there a court case coming up?’

‘Yeah, next month. I might need a day off for that.’

‘We’ll see what we can do.’

‘Sound.’

‘We better go and do a bit here anyway.’

‘I meant to ask you the last day – when do we get paid?’

‘Monthly, usually.’

‘That’s a dose.’

‘Tis. Are ye stuck?’

‘Eh…I’m not too bad. I’ve a few things lined up. What time do ye take breaks?’

‘Like lunch and all that?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Whenever we can – there’s no set time. Have you something on?’

‘Nah. Just supposed to meet a fella in town.’

‘For lunch?’

‘Just for a chat. He’s going buying an iPad off me.’

 

 

Mick.

 

____

 

Fisherman’s Blues (Paperback)

Fisherman’s Blues is the hilarious new novel from Mick Donnellan.Dark and audacious, written in a distinct West of Ireland vernacular, it covers a myriad of genres from Crime Noir to comedy and an odd bit of religion. Fresh in its language, vivid in its descriptions, the book sings with the signature style of all Donnellan’s previous work, and a bit more. Delving into the lives of drinkers, lovers, thieves and scam artists, the story weaves a web of intrigue and curiosity that ends with an unforgettable bang. Not without its poignant moments, the plot hinges on the chaotic consequences of three unlikely comrade’s attempts to save their lost relationships, while unintentionally ruining the plans of a rising criminal’s efforts to take over the city. The question is: Can they succeed? And if they don’t, what then? And where have the women really gone?

€9.99

Novel – El Niño (in Paperback).

El Niño is the exciting debut novel from Mayo man, Mick Donnellan. Slick, stylish and always entertaining, the story is a rollercoaster of drama and tension that hasn’t been seen in Irish fiction for a very long time. Charlie is our protagonist, the pick pocket that steals El Nino’s wallet and then falls in love with her. She’s the wild femme fatale, beautiful; enigmatic and seductive. She rocks Charlie’s world with her smoky wiles and drinking ways and her tough girl ideals. This is Noir at its best. Dark and edgy with crisp fresh dialogue and a plot that engages the reader from the first line and keeps them up all night – right through to it’s powerful finish.

€10.00

Mokusatsu – A Novel by Mick Donnellan.

(Includes Worldwide Delivery and Postage) Charlie’s out on bail and back on the sauce. Still devastated over the events of El Niño, he drinks to kill the pain and robs all he can to feel alive. But the past won’t give him peace. The police want him in jail. Kramer’s old crew have a price on his head, and his new employer has big plans to carve out his own niche in the criminal underworld — with Charlie at the helm. Roped into a series of audacious heists and ingenious schemes, he finds himself involved with illegal diesel in Westmeath, stolen cash machines in Mayo and violent debt collection in Galway. Couple that with his regular income of stealing wallets and robbing shops and you have a cyclone of a man roaring down a path to destruction. And bringing everybody with him. And then there’s Karena. The beautiful girl that may save him — but maybe she should know better? At times dark, others touching, and often comic, Mokusatsu is a fiction readers feast of Irish Crime Writing.

€10.00

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joe Ninety – Part Deux. #30

Was working in Sydney a week later when the phone rang with: ‘Hey, Mick, what do you think of Joe, should we give him the job?’

‘Who’s this? Dave?’

”No, it’s Tyler. Dave’s on Annual Leave. So what do you think?’

‘About Joe? Hmm…I don’t think he’s the right fit.’

‘No? That’s disappointing.’

‘It is, but I think long term it’s better to wait for the right….candidate.’

‘Ok, I’ll feed that that back, thanks. You knows there’s a meeting Friday?’

‘Really Where?’

‘At the office. Aloysius is making a speech. So dress smart, right?’

‘Will do.’

‘Too easy, mate. Ta.’

Aloysius was the CEO and he didn’t like:

Bad Shoes.

Smokers.

Stubble.

Loose ties.

Fraud.

Which is precisely why I didn’t recommend Joe for the job.

Friday came around. Everyone turned up, shook hands, talked shite, the managers ate all the profiteroles while everyone waited for Aloysius.

There was a hush when he arrived. Dear shoes, scarf, ted baker glasses. Well trimmed beard.

A girl with a clipboard tried to get his attention but he brushed her aside with a practiced hand.

I was in the corner, trying to make the best of a soggy ham sandwich in a red napkin, when I noticed him coming for me.

‘Mick….’

I left down the food, said: ‘Aloysius.’

‘Can you tell me something?’

‘Of course.’

‘What’s that?’

‘What?’

He was pointing out the window. There was a BMW, an emaciated tree, a parkbench. Hard to know which one to go for until he said: ‘Him.’

‘Who?’

I focused again, there was a fella standing at the wall. Took me a second to recognise Joe. Leather jacket, blue jeans, no tie. Cigarette in one hand, picking his nose with the other.

‘Oh.’ I said. ‘That looks like Joe.’

‘Joe?’

‘Joe…..Ninety.’

‘And why is he here?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘He told them at the desk you gave him a job.’

‘I said not to hire him. I had him for an observation – but that was it. Talk to Tyler.’

The girl with the clipboard arrived, her name was Hannah and she said: ‘Tyler’s gone. Dave’s back.’

‘Then there must have been some confusion.’

‘I think there must.’

Hannah said: ‘Dave offered him the job.’

‘Christ.’ Said Aloysius.

I looked out the window again but he was gone. Thank fuck.

But next thing I heard: ‘Howya, Micky….’

There was Joe beside me. ‘Joe! Howya….’

‘Thanks for giving me the job….’

‘Eh….’

‘Your man Dermot rang me.’

‘Dave?’

‘Him ya. Starting tomorrow, am I out with you?’

Hannah said: ‘Joe, can I talk to you for second…?’

‘Howya, darlin….them are nice legs.’

Aloyisus said: ‘Excuse me, where the hell do you think you are?!’

‘Howya gettin on, sir. I’m Joe. I was told to start here today. Dick rang me yesterday.’

‘You mean Dave?’

‘Him yeah. Said to come early. Something important happening.’

‘Oh he did, did he?’

‘Said there’s some fella going making an important speech….’

‘And who might that be?’

‘I don’t know. I can’t think. Some beardy fella with a quare name…..where’s the jacks in this place, Micky? I’m dying for shite.’

Mick.

Read the original “Joe Ninety” post here.

***

El Nino Cover-1

Click here to buy El Niño Direct from Amazon

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Buy Fisherman’s Blues direct from Amazon now!

Social Media – #29

When writing my first two novels the country was changing so fast that by the time they were ready the material could feel almost obsolete. Your characters go to book a flight in a travel agents but when your story is finished, everyone gets their flights online. People don’t call each other on landlines anymore because they all have mobiles and when they get lost, the reader wonders why they don’t just use Google Maps; except nobody had smartphones when you were writing it.

Smart people at the time were incorporating technology and trends into their writing. Their stories centred around MySpace, Bebo, Nokia 3310s, Digital Cameras and The Walkman. Then along comes Facebook, Smartphones, iPods and iPhones and now everyone’s shaping their works in progress to incorporate the modern trends – as if that’s what’s important.

The other problem is that everyone suddenly thinks they’re a marketing specialist.  Jane’s got 5000 subscribers on her e-mail list. Gathered them up using her Facebook page, setting up a Social Media Company. Waste of time, says John, Instagram’s where it’s at. Use ads and Hashtags and grow your followers. Fuck that, says Paddy, you need Twitter. More professional. You want profession, says Mary, you need LinkedIn, that’s where the real business happens. The rest is all juvenile. I hear Snapchat’s good now, says Tom, lots of influencers using it. You want influencers, says Jerry, you need Youtube, only way to go. Everyone’s making videos and setting up Adsense with Google. Get yourself enough hits and your start making money. Real money. No hard work needed, just watch the dollars grow. Simple really, don’t know why everyone’s not doing it. What about blogging? No way, says Joe, not professional. Too much work. Write every day? Are you mad? Much simpler just to use my phone here to connect with people. Here, let’s take a Selfie. We’ll put that up on Messenger now. Everyone can look at it then, see. Like it if they like it. Exposure’s what it’s all about.  Try get something viral. Especially videos. People making big money at that. Just need to be funny and original. Did you hear they have a course now – on Social Media. How to use it. How to utilise it. Thinking about doing one of them. But what are you going to promote? I don’t know. Stuff. It’s easy. Just share and like. And connect. Big money in it.

Big money in what? You end up with 50,000 social connections and not one customer for your book, or CD, or Film or whatever you’re trying to promote. It’s a crowded space, made worse by ease of access. Every lunatic is doing it and there is no unique selling point. An e-mail blast to 2,000 people is worthless if you’ve never met any of them, or if you don’t bother to respond when they ask you a question. Worse, when you do respond you simply send a link and say: ‘Here, read this it should answer all your questions.’

You’re much better off with a mailing list of 100 people that are interested in your work and whom you can connect with on a meaningful level. That’s your unique selling point. Human interaction. And there’s no point at all if you’ve got nothing to talk about. No book finished, no Poetry written, your film’s been in development for the last five years. Where has all that time gone? Taking Selfies? Sharing links? Retweeting? Connecting? Building your Client Base? Reaching out? Establishing a presence? Vloggng?

 Have you tried writing yet?

 

Mick.

 

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