Upgrade –

The fella on the phone said: ‘We’ll install your broadband on Tuesday.’
Tuesday came. No broadband.
Called up. They sent a fella out. Apologies about that. He arrived around three o’clock and installed a phone line. You can make all the calls you want now on the landline, congratulations. But what about the broadband?
Oh you’ll have to ring them about that.
Rang them. Oh, you don’t want a phone line? Ok. We’ll cancel that.
The next day they charged €83 from my account for landline calls.
Called them and they said: ‘We’ll Waive that and have your broadband next week.
The Broadband came a week later. Pure shite.
I called up and said I want to cancel it. 14 days, and all that.
Oh no, said your man, we’ll have fibre next week. Hang on, it’ll be grand.
Next week came and no fibre. I called up and they said: ‘But you cancelled?’
‘I didn’t no. They said to hang on for the Fibre.’
‘For a phone line? You can’t have Fibre for landline calls, sir.’
‘I have the Internet, not a Landline.’
‘Oh you don’t have a landline?’
‘And do you want a landline?’
‘No, I want Broadband.’
‘Oh, ok. Can we interest you in our TV packages?’
‘No, just the Broadband.’
‘Ok, we’ll send a Technician out.’
‘There was one here. He installed a phone line.’
‘Yes, we can see that.’
‘And I was charged €83 and I didn’t even want it.’
‘Oh, ok. We’ll Waive that of course. And we’ll cancel your broadband order.’
‘No! Don’t cancel the Broadband. Just upgrade it to Fibre.’
‘Oh, ok. So you want to cancel the cancellation?’
‘I see. Can you hold?’
‘Just a second.’
Five minutes late, torturous phone music. Then a polite: ‘Hello?’
‘Hello, yeah….’
‘Can I help you?’
‘I was on hold about my Broadband.’
‘You want Broadband?’
‘No I have Broadband. I want Fibre.’
‘Ok, and my colleague says you’re interested in our TV packages?’
‘No, just broadband.’
‘Ok, let me check. Yes. Hm. I can see you account here that you recently cancelled your broadband with us?’
‘No that was the Landline?’
‘You want a Landline?’
‘No I cancelled a Landline and I want the Broadband.’
‘Ok….and you have Broadband at the moment?’
‘Yes, but it’s standard and I want the Upgrade to Fibre.’
‘I see. Ok, we’ll have to cancel the Cancellation….and send a technician out.’

‘And when will he be here?’

‘It depends.’
‘How busy he is…when he can come….I think maybe 5 days.’
‘Five days?’
‘Five days and then you will have all your landline, TV and Broadband all working together sir….is there anything else I can help you with?’

Buy Mick Donnellan’s Novels here.

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