Fanatical feedback.

It was about three years ago, two o’clock in the day, Tesco’s car park, and I was handing out flyers for my second Play, Shortcut to Hallelujah,  when a woman slowed up, looked at me for a second, and then kept going. I handed out a few more and then she came back and asked: “Are you that lad, that wrote that other Play, Sunday Morning….something…?’
Cream pants, strong perfume, Carribean tan and a big fan of altar wine. I said:
‘I am. I’ve another one now, here’s a flyer for it and…’
‘Oh no, no thanks. I just had to stop and tell you something.’
‘What’s that?’
‘I despise what you’re doing.’
‘Sorry?’
‘I’ve heard about your work, and I’m told the language is absolutely terrible, how can you let that filth go up on stage?’
‘Have you seen the Play?’
‘I certainly have not! Nor will I ever!’
‘Then how do you know what it’s about?’
‘I’ve heard enough to know.’
‘Maybe you might change your mind if you come to this one…it’s….’
‘Look it, you won’t ever get me inside the door so you can stop there, I just had to tell you…I don’t know why all you young people just have to….do this…MTV…language thing, and why you can’t just….talk normally….’
‘People have said the opposite about the Plays, actually, that it’s one of the few things they’ve seen where people talk like real people.’
‘I doubt that very much.’
‘It sold out all over the country.’
Beat. Then. ‘Well. I don’t know about that, or what kind of people were there, but it shouldn’t be allowed.’
‘It’s unfortunate you think that way, but if you come and see this one, you might have a more balanced opinion. There’s more to it than bad language, this one’s selling very good too. People wouldn’t pay money if…’
She held her hands up, like the flyer was contaminated. Nails painted purple. ‘You won’t convince me. I’ll never be convinced that there’s an excuse for profanity. Anyone who uses it is just…horrible, it’s gutter talk, and, and…uneducated, I mean, can these people not learn how to talk properly…?’
‘They’re talkin fine, it’s their linguistic identity, people like you that doesn’t want to listen. But if we all sit together in the theatre, there might be a lot more cultural understanding between everyone.’
‘I’ll never regard that as culture.’
‘Fair enough. But the Box Office disagrees with you I think.’
‘Not for long.’
‘Sorry?’
‘Not for long, you can only get away with your sort of thing for so long before people give up on it. It’s a craze of filthy talk and…and…silly novelty for a while. But you’ll get nowhere.’
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence.’
‘I’m only telling you what all decent people already know. You’ll get nowhere. You’ll fail at what you’re doing and you’ll hit a wall eventually.’
‘If you say so.’
‘I’m certain of it. You’ll hit a wall. And you’ll hit it hard and you’ll remember I told you so.’
‘I’ll give you Special Offer if you like, two for one, it’s all about being open minded.’
‘Tuh!’
And she walked away. Flat white shoes.

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